To Create the Future you Want - Release the Past

In 24 years of counseling and coaching people with a myriad of  apparent obstacles and life issues, the common denominator is always the same: Unresolved emotional trauma.

Now, before you dismiss this as irrelevant to you, let me define what I mean by "trauma":
Any past emotional event (since birth), that you were not able to control,  that is uncomfortable to talk about, or that still evokes some negative emotion, or that stands out more vividly in your memory than other memories of that same age. 

If you are still angry with someone who hurt you in the past...or if you still cringe uncomfortably remembering an embarrassing moment... or if you get teary when you talk about someone you've lost... .or if you get anxious and heavy feelings in the chest just by focusing on a past event...these are all signs of old emotions that you have not released.

In short, there is no one who does not have past traumas, as life itself is traumatic. Our loved one's die. We face divorce. Our children scare the hell out of us when they get hurt. We might have grown up in a family where we experienced some form of abuse or neglect, or we may have witnessed violence done to someone else. We are embarrassed by insensitive teachers. We lose jobs, and friends. We have health crises. We have regrets. We have trouble forgiving ourselves. We hold onto resentments.
We all have emotional memories that we can't let go of, yet these things do nothing to enhance our lives. They weigh us down and trouble the mind and cause stress and fear. When we push them down far enough, our past traumas can manifest as depression or anxiety or addiction or anger. And many of us don't even realize it.

It is an unfortunate fact of human nature that we prefer to suffer and hold onto the past because it's familiar and even comforting... but the idea letting it go... of a future without that familiar suffering is terrifying and unknown.What is certain in life is change. Everything in life is impermanent. But we are terrified of change because when we change, we have to face the unknown. The more we cling to what's familiar, the more we suffer when life takes an unexpected turn. Sometimes life forces us to let go. Life is full of those experiences, and they stay with us, either consciously or unconsciously influencing our future decisions and our feelings.

Our present reality, and the reality we project into our future is only as free and unfettered, as we are free of our past. And the past has a funny way of sticking to us, (whether we are aware of it or not).
The problem with mainstream psychology as embraced by modern culture, is that it is largely ineffective in helping us to truly let go of what haunts us. What's more, most of us have unconsciously embraced some inaccurate and damaging assumptions about how to deal with the past.

Here are some of the most common ones:

1.  "The past is what made me who I am - I don't want to let go of my past hurts, because I'm proud of them - those are my victories. "
2.  "If I let go of my grief about this loved one, I am letting go of them... I have to keep this pain because it shows how much I love them. (If I let go of this pain it means I will forget them, or dishonor them)."
3.  "It's not possible to ever forget that... it's too big, too bad, and too deeply ingrained in my mind. I will always have strong negative feelings about what happened."


The truth is this:

• The past has made you who you think you are - not who you really are. You will actually have a stronger, more expanded sense of self if you truly release your old traumas and stop identifying with the past.

• Resolving grief about a lost loved one does not erase your memory of them. It only releases the suffering and ache that you feel when you think about them. Once this is resolved, you will more easily remember the good memories, rather than the painful ones.

It is possible to permanently release even the most painful emotions about the past, and to remove the intensity from virtually any trauma memory, no matter how vivid or strong the emotion is.

The best tool I have found for making this possible, is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), a meridian-based healing technique that now has over 60 peer reviewed studies demonstrating it's efficacy. Commonly know as "Tapping," this simple but powerful self-healing method is both practical as a sort of emotional first aid, as well as a transformational tool that can be used with the guidance of a trained coach, therapist or practitioner to fully release what holds you back from your true potential, and let your authenticity shine.

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