 A dream becomes lucid the moment you realize you're dreaming. When you become lucid in your dream, the whole dream world changes. It's as if it comes alive, colors become vibrant, your senses are enhanced, and you become deeply present. You feel yourself breathing. You are self-aware... and most importantly, if it is a completely lucid dream, you fully realize that everything you see, feel and experience in this dream world is an extension of your own consciousness.
In a semi-lucid dream, you realize you're dreaming, and feel very alive, but you still think that your dream world is separate from you; So you interact as if it's real. You may do fun and exciting things, like fly around, jump long distances, and interact with people, but you forget they are part of you. Maybe there are adversaries and you feel extra powerful - you can escape or fight them - but if you were fully in your lucid dream awareness you would realize you are just fighting your own self (and that would probably just make you laugh). So what does this have to do with waking life? Well, for many years I've held this perspective that life really is more like a dream than it is like a fixed, physical reality. And recently I've deepened my study of this perspective with a wonderful teacher and author named Paul Levy (highly recommended). This has inspired me to renew my commitment to making my life lucid. I never bring anything into my writing or my work with clients that I don't use for myself. I am my own living laboratory. So I invite you to explore this perspective with me, as I delve deeper into this idea in my next series of newsletters. What's the point of making your life like a lucid dream? Well, I'm not going to say you can levitate or fly over the mountains, but I will tell you that the more you engage with this dream awareness, the more magical, fluid and interesting life becomes. Synchronicity increases (coincidences that are obviously not random), psychic phenomena increase, and you begin to see that you have far more freedom and influence over your life than you ever realized before. For now, I will leave you with one vitally important key to understanding how you are connected to your outer reality: Life will always reflect back to you whatever you believe is reality. If you don't realize it's your dream, then you get stuck in a feedback loop. You see what you take to be reality. And the more you see it and believe in what you see, the more of that there is. And the more proof there is of that reality. - Just like in your night dreams, you can be unaware you're dreaming (weird, scary, random, and not in control) , or you can be partially aware you're dreaming (less scary, exciting, fun but still hard to control much), or fully aware/lucid (a deep and comforting realization that everything is completely OK). Think of your waking life the same way. Life gets frustrating, stressful and out of control as you forget that it's your dream. Life gets better, brighter and more balanced the more you remember that it's your dream. You don't have to do anything about it. All that's needed is to realize it and remember it.  Sometimes we find that even after working through the traumas of our history in this life, we still have tendencies, patterns or neurotic hang-ups, such as guilt, inadequacy, or unexplained fear that seems to make no sense. And often, if we know where to look, we find that these deeply held emotions are the direct result of our ancestor's unhealed traumas.
Ancestral Healing is an avenue that is rarely recognized or even acknowledged, in the field of healing and personal development. But indigenous cultures across the globe have always paid deep respect to the honoring of ancestral spirits, both to heal our ancestors, as well as to receive their blessings, knowledge and power. The wisdom of this goes far beyond mere superstition or empty ritual. Some cultures regard seven (including your own generation) as the sphere of greatest influence that should be considered in any decisions we make in life. While the practice of maintaining reverence and connection makes sense spiritually to many cultures, our modern western culture has been plagued with a severe lack of connection within the family lineage. Now modern genetic and psychological research is showing exciting evidence of the actual genetic imprints left by trauma. We call this Epigenetics or the science of gene expression. What your basic genetic code shows is not the same as what you "express" in your traits, physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically. Epigenetics is influenced by your experiences, your emotions, your thoughts, your beliefs, your diet and your environment. Truly a holistic way to understand how you've come to be the person you appear to be! Beyond genetic explanations, even genetically unrelated ancestors who have experienced great losses or tragedies, and perhaps died in silence, can powerfully affect our own patterns in deep ways. Both the known stories in your family, as well as the untold stories, the buried stories, can show up in our body and our life path. This can be one explanation for deeply held unconscious blocks, fears and habits in life. The imprint of our ancestor's traumatic experiences is expressed in our genes, in our energy field, in our mind and body. Consider the ancestral stories in your family.... What's the family mythology? Whose the black sheep of the family? The outlaw? The hero? Whose the grandparent or ancestor that you feel a special connection with? What patterns do you see in your life that resemble that of your parents or ancestors? These are all clues to unlocking the roots of your patterns at the ancestral level. Fortunately, these epigenetic patterns and energetic imprints, can often be transformed and healed using energy psychology methods. And through years of experiences with various healing and EFT Tapping methods, my colleague Eva Malanowski and I have developed a unique energy psychology approach. We call this hybrid technique, Ancestral Trauma Release Techniques™ This approach combines Guided Inner Journeying, with EFT Tapping, (Ancestral Trauma Tapping™) to help you discover and connect with an ancestor who is influencing your life patterns, emotions, subconscious beliefs, or experiences. Once the connection is made, EFT Tapping is used to release the stuck emotion that you've inherited from your ancestor. In essence, you are healing your ancestral lineage, as well as yourself. We presented our first public class in Ancestral Trauma Release Techniques™ (ATRT™) last month to therapists and healers at the ACEP Energy Psychology Conference in New Mexico. Our talk focused on the use of Ancestral healing for clearing money blocks using ATRT™ and it was very well received! We are thrilled to continue teaching this exciting healing path and will soon be launching our Level 1 ATRT™ Course, for practitioners as well as anyone interested in gaining a deeper appreciation of Ancestral Healing, the foundations of this approach, and ways to transform your own ancestral patterns. This Level 1 course will be specifically focused on changing money patterns and blocks. This course provides all the foundational tools for clinicians and licensed practitioners to continue on to level 2 and 3 for full certification, and the use of ATRT™ for a variety of uses in releasing subconscious blocks and patterns, for relationships, health and well-being, and overcoming limitations of all kinds. If you'd like to experience Ancestral Trauma Release Techniques™ and Ancestral Trauma Tapping™ to clear patterns and blocks in your life, contact me or schedule a session to explore the possibilities!  The Most Powerful Action is Effortless Action
I've been talking a lot about the internal mindset that is so important to your business success. Obviously, nothing can happen without taking outward action also. But most people have it backwards. They take the hard road, hoping to get the rewards later. They work long hours, sacrifice their time, their energy, their health, their relationships for their work, even if they don't love their work – all in the hope that someday they can retire and then enjoy all of those things they sacrificed their whole life.... But after you ruin your health, use up your time, and neglect your relationships, you might find that things aren't so great when it's time to retire (if you even get to that point.) This is backwards. What's really needed is not just action – but INSPIRED ACTION. What is inspired action? It is action that comes not from pushing yourself but from flowing with natural excitement and passion for what you do. Doing what you Love gives you energy, rather than taking energy away... Even if you're climbing a 2000 foot cliff, what most people would consider hell, for you will be a peak experience if rock climbing is what you love. If you think you have to wait a long time before you can do what you love, you're wrong. Doing what you love is no further than your imagination – and that is available to you at all times. The problem is that we tend put more attention on what we are doing, or what we DONT want, then on allowing ourselves to imagine and dream about what we really DO want. We think that is a luxury. A frivolous activity, or wishful thinking. The truth is: The MOST impactful, PROFITABLE, creative, innovative, joyful, exciting actions, come not from blood, sweat and tears, but from inspiration. Our history books are loaded with stories of the nameless masses who toiled their whole lives in obscurity, scraping together enough to survive only to exhaust themselves and disappear. We can honor our ancestors struggles by fully appreciating the freedom we now have to follow our passions and our bliss. There is no glory in endless suffering. When we care deeply about something – when we are excited about something, then the blood sweat and tears are just a small part of the path, and you enjoy every minute of the journey. It's not just about completing tasks. You love the whole process. When you can get yourself into that zone of excited anticipation, your actions are not stressful or hard, but are inspired and come easily. Your inspired actions feel almost effortless, bold and creative, and they bear fruit because you are in alignment with your Inner Self. Your heart and mind are in alignment. That's why it feels good. When things feel “BAD” that is a sign that something in you is OUT of alignment. It means you need to adjust your course. Change the focus of your attention. Try This: Take 10 minutes a day (at least) and visualize, dream and contemplate what you want to do – even if it is radically different that what you are doing now. If you feel really stuck and you are not enjoying your work, then find something outside of your work, volunteering or something artistic, or any activity that excites and inspires you. That energy can help you get unstuck. Make it a priority. Even if none of it excites you - just do something out of your normal routine - regardless of how it feels. Continuing to do the same day to day things is sure to keep you feeling stuck. Take at least ONE emotional risk - every week. Nothing changes without emotional risk... and it may not feel good at first. Write down 10 things that you would like to believe about yourself and say them out loud to yourself every day. Do this for a week to start out and see how you feel. See how your feelings and your life begin to change for the better. In repeatedly thinking about the absence of what you want you actually align with the reality of lack and you create circumstances that show you more of that lack. Negative self-critical self-talk becomes a subconscious belief and produces a negative reality. The reality you experience will always match your beliefs or your emotional stance towards the world and yourself. The fact is, when you change your thoughts and beliefs - everything changes. New people will show up in your life, or will suddenly show up differently, while some will quietly move on when you change - sometimes without any direct action on your part. There is no limit to the possibilities waiting for you if you can simply start to change your habitual thoughts. Just the willingness to begin trusting your inner source will change is enough of a first step. When you find this alignment with our Higher Self, your Essence or Source, you feel good and life flows, synchronicity happens regularly, creative flow is accessed, and new opportunities show up, often effortlessly. I call this Tapping into the Zone.  Synchronicity and Multidimensionality: Living a Lucid Dream
There is order in the chaos. We live in a Conscious Universe. Synchronicity is the the clear reflection of the world revealing itself as an extension of your consciousness. It is the clear sign that you are living in a state of connection with all, and an indicator that you are in alignment with your Higher Self. When you become excited about a new passion and then that thing shows up in front of you - that is synchronicity. When a profound "coincidence" appears out of nowhere, that is synchronicity. When the song that comes on the radio, exactly describes the inspired thoughts you were just contemplating - that is synchronicity. It may be in the form of a person sitting down next to you on a plane who hires you for your dream job. It may be a sudden appearance of a person you were just thinking about. It's not a message or sign from outside of you - but rather a pure reflection of your own energetic signature - evidence that the outer world is not really outside at all! When we live our lives by default, going through our daily grind with unconscious resignation, and we feel bored, uninspired and half-asleep, the world is not likely to reflect anything other than that dullness. But when something sparks you from within and you get excited, hopeful, inspired, awake... when you feel strong attraction, or fall in love, or discover your joy for some activity that you had denied yourself until now - then it is inevitable that this higher vibration will be reflected back to you in the world. And this is what we call synchronicity. The more you recognize it and are grateful for it, and inspired by it, the more it will show up for you. When you take strong interest in anything, you will begin to see more of that thing. And when you are neutral about something - detached - projecting neither positive nor negative energy towards that thing, you will see less and less of it. (This is why you are best off disengaging from negative or toxic people and relationships). Our cultural beliefs have, for multiple generations, tended to reinforce the false notion that there is an external fixed reality outside you, over which you have no influence. In other words, it is a fear-based belief that you are vulnerable and completely separate from the unpredictable forces of the world, of nature, of other people, and even of God -- and that these forces are all outside of you and not within you. Which means you are just a small powerless little creature that has no personal power, no spiritual connection and no unity with the universe outside the apparent boundaries of your physical body. The more you learn to let go of that false idea, and the more you reclaim your place at the center of your own universe, you begin to experience a feeling of peace, a deep connection and compassion for all life, and an sense of lightness, and contentment, amusement and fun, enjoying the things of the world without feeling victimized or afraid. Exercise: Triggering Synchronicity Synchronicity tends to increase when we raise our vibration. To raise your vibration you have a number of options, and some are quite simple: 1. Focus intensely into the Present Moment, not passively, but very intentionally. Become hyper-focused on this moment, your present awareness, your sensory experience, the sounds, sights, feelings and senses right now. 2. Practice ultra-focused breathing. Long deep focused breathes with full attention on the energy and sensation of the breath in the body, even for a few breathes, will shift your consciousness. 3. Contemplate the infinite nature of the universe. Nature is a good focus for this - especially vast panoramas, the ocean and most of all, stargazing on a clear dark night. Focus on the infinite vastness of space. 4. Follow your Bliss. Do what makes your heart sing. Be selfish enough to know what you want and choose to pursue it, even if only a step towards it. 5. Pretend your life is a lucid dream (Do NOT do this if you have a history of psychosis or delusions)... and imagine that everything around you is part of this conscious dream that you are dreaming right now. Learn more about the Waking Dream Exercise. (To take this process deeper, EFT coaching can open up much more) Book an EFT Coaching Session Online Just the willingness to begin trusting the Source within is enough of a first step. When you find this alignment with your Higher Self, which you can call your "Essence" or "Source," you feel good and life flows, synchronicity happens regularly, creative flow is accessed, and new opportunities show up, often effortlessly. I call this Tapping into the Zone. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Remember the 5 Keys to Transforming Consciousness: 1. Make Space. Be Still. 2. Breathe Mindfully. 3. GIve up all efforts to be Perfect. 4. Decide Now that you have the power and the choice to let go of anything at any time. It takes an instant to let go. Letting go is a constant practice. Do it repeatedly. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You have the power to free yourself from anything that holds you back. 5. Recognize that your Beliefs are the architect of your Reality. If you want to change your reality, you have to be willing to question and release the old beliefs that limit you and keep you stuck.  A Tale of Two Selves.
Our perspective of life and of ourselves is like peeking through a key hole. The actual truth is that reality is infinite and unlimited. But our ego-based consciousness is only capable of seeing a tiny aspect of it all, and it is controlled mostly by our thoughts, beliefs and childhood templates that are part of our subconscious programming. Living from this place, and identifying with this narrow view, keeps us very limited and disconnected from our real creative potential. You have another Self that is exceptionally wise, psychic, in an unbroken state of perfect awareness, yet detached and unaffected by the ups and downs of this lower world that we normally identify with as our everyday life. This Higher Self is watching the whole show and is not bound by time or space. This Higher Self is what you might call your True Self, your Essence, your Soul, or Atman. While we live out a sort of dream that we call waking life, we are only marginally aware of our Higher Self, if at all. It guides us quietly. Strengthens us when we pray or meditate. It speaks to us in dreams and through our intuition. It reveals itself through synchronicity, and numbers that you give meaning to (like seeing the number 11, or the time 11:11). The Higher Self does not interfere, but whispers softly, waiting patiently for us to wake up to this Higher awareness. At important times, when we really need a sudden wake up call, the Higher Self may get us to pay attention by creating pain or other physical issues to let us know that something is out of balance. The Higher Self is not living in linear time, so there is no sense of urgency. And this Higher Self is not fooled by the illusions of the apparent world, so it has no fear, no belief in loss, or even death. It is infinitely patient. Not bound by time, it is eternally free and ever present..... We live our little life drama, mostly out of habitual old patterns, usually from a place of fear and contraction, resigning ourselves to a limited life that is bound by negative expectations, isolation, and guilt. But we are not trapped as we think we are. We are actually playing a sort of game. Pretending to forget (and then forgetting that we were pretending to forget). Allowing ourselves to forget who we are in that Higher Realm... it's like we let ourselves fall asleep, like getting drunk.... taking a bite of the apple, we forget who we are for a while. And maybe we periodically have those moments of clarity, of deep insight, of inspiration and truth. And then we forget again. We keep on remembering and forgetting. But to the Higher Self it's all just an amusing little mental trip that is only a temporary departure from reality. Try holding this perspective when you get too serious and depressed about your life. We are playing hide and seek with our higher self. And when we're done playing we will have a good laugh and realize that we were never two selves, but only One. And we are completely OK. You know when you are in alignment with Higher Self by how harmoniously things flow in your life. It doesn't mean that there are no challenges or obstacles in the path. But in choosing to pursue your desire, you see doors open for you. You might say "the stars lined up," and you feel lucky, and it feels like the universe is conspiring to help you. Synchronicity is one of the surest signs that you are in alignment. Three Ways to Learn to Align with your Higher Self. 1. Do What Makes you Happy. Better yet, decide to be happy in spite of what ever crappy situation, or loss, or misfortune or worry or pain that you are feeling stuck in. Decide to be happy no matter what. Happiness is a higher vibration, and more closely matches the vibration of your Higher Self. So it's easier to make this connection when you're feeling good. It can also show up in a moment of deep pain, when you surrender or pray or call out for help - but happiness is a more fun way to make the connection. Innocence, Exuberance, and Appreciation draw us closer to the Higher Self. 2. Listen to your feelings and subtle energy (and your body) more than to your thoughts. Put your hand on your heart whenever you have a moment of doubt, fear or confusion. Ask yourself, "what am I feeling right now? Is this feeling mine or someone else's? What do I really want right now?" Giving to yourself, being kind to yourself, is more important than trying to be pragmatic or conforming to others expectations. 3. Affirm who you want to be, and do it frequently. Use the power of the words, "I AM." Use this phrase wisely, and in the service of your Higher Self. Never put yourself down or use your words against yourself. If you say "I'm unlucky" or I'm sick" or "I'm broke," these are Negative Affirmations. And what is a negative affirmation, but another word for DENIAL. Denial of your true Self. Denial of your Higher Self. Using negative words to identify with is a sure way to perpetuate your own personal hell. Just don't do it! The ultimate mantra is simply "I AM." But to boost yourself when feeling out of alignment, you can align with any positive soul quality that you want. "I AM healthy." "I AM Lovable." "I AM Powerful." "I AM Beautiful." "I AM Free." You will know these words are serving your real Self when you notice that your heart softens and expands a little when you say them. With practice, you will learn to focus your awareness on your heart, more than on the space between your ears, and you will learn to feel the subtle peace that softly radiates from that heart space and recognize that as a signal that tells you when you're in alignment. Listening to the heart requires you to let go of being logical, practical, sensible, or conventional. It may require that you you stop doing what others expect of you or tell you to do. There may be people in your life that say "You should do this!" Or they might say, "Don't you think you should do this? Why are your doing that?" If you listen to the words of others more than your own inner voice in the heart, you will move further from your Self, away from your Source, and you will become more confused. Listening to your heart may require you to get very still and quiet. It may help to stop and breath very slowly. It may help to talk out loud to your Higher Self and ask for clarity and guidance. You can also ask a question - in fact write it down - just before you go to sleep. Put it under your pillow and ask that the answer come to you in a dream. Then let go and trust. EFT Tapping is another powerful way to work on this alignment with your Higher Self. Stay tuned for my EFT video for clearing the blocks to your connection with the Higher Self. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" Remember the 5 Keys to Transforming Consciousness: 1. Make space. Be still. 2. Breathe mindfully. 3. GIve up all efforts to be perfect. 4. Decide Now that you have the power and the choice to let go of anything at any time. It takes an instant to let go. Letting go is a constant practice. Do it repeatedly. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You have the power to free yourself from anything that holds you back. 5. Recognize that your beliefs are the architect of your reality. If you want to change your reality, you have to be willing to question and release the old beliefs that limit you and keep you stuck. The Next Level of Advanced Coaching I am offering a limited number of my advanced, 4-Month, comprehensive private coaching program, From Trauma to Transformation. This comprehensive program enables me to deliver the best services that I have to offer, and do the deep work that is the most transformative, life-changing, and satisfying for both myself and my clients. This work spans the journey from pain and trauma, to positive self-development and transformation of consciousness. The goal of this work is to finally resolve past traumas, change your core beliefs and shift your mindset to allow for a whole new empowered experience of yourself and your world. This work awakens the magic in your life, gets you into a state of flow, increases synchronicity, and leads to more joy, connection and creative vision. Includes EFT Sessions, Two separate Full-Day Private Intensives, Laser Coaching sessions when you need an extra boost, unlimited email support, and more. If you are interested in learning more about my Trauma to Transformation Coaching Program, please complete my online application for a Mindset Transformation Session Why is it so important to examine your own perfectionist tendencies? Admit it, there is a part of you that still believes perfection is a goal worth striving for. It's ok - you're in good company. But let me tell you why this issue needs attention. Trying your Best is a great thing. Trying to be perfect is something else completely. Trying to be perfect is the best way to make yourself a failure in your own mind... because perfection is not possible. In fact, whenever you tell yourself that you are lacking something, some quality, some attribute that you desire in yourself, you shrink a little bit. Noticing what you want, yet do not have, makes you feel more inadequate, incomplete, and separate from others and from the Universe. On the contrary, when you begin to settle into yourself as you are in this moment, and you stop trying to fill yourself with more information, more skills, more of whatever you think you are lacking... you begin to feel larger, more peaceful, more powerful and more connected. You are creating yourself in every moment. With every thought you either draw yourself closer or farther away from the deep truth of your Being - your "Higher Self" if you want to call it that. When you say that you are not good enough, or that you aren't "there" yet, you set up a reality in which you are destined to be discontented. Remember that perfectionism is a learned behavior. It also runs in families, but not because you are genetically doomed to be a perfectionist. It's more that the consciousness that flows through a family lineage imprints on us and compels us to flow in the same direction. It is still learned. And it can be un-learned. Would you rather be right or happy? When you stop striving for some imaginary perfection, you begin to enjoy life along the way. There is no end. You will keep on learning forever - so you may as well enjoy each step. The real joke on us is that behind our masks we are all Perfect Beings, fooling ourselves into believing that we are imperfect and alone in the universe. Believing that we have to prove something or get somewhere. All the while your True Self observes it all and lets you play out your dramas and delusions of what you mistake for reality. Undoing Perfectionsim
Practice these first 3 steps continually throughout your day. When you wake up. When you eat. When you go to the bathroom. While you're at work. When you're in the middle of a conflict. There is not time when it will not serve your highest good. It can transform your world in ways you can't even imagine.Undoing perfectionism and the constant stress that it creates in your mind and body is a project worth taking. It's not a race, but an ongoing expansion. Examining and learning to release old memories and emotional traumas are the deepest and most complete way to deconstruct your dysfunctional belief systems. The beliefs that cause you to suffer and make you into your own worst enemy. EFT Tapping is one excellent method of undoing these core beliefs by working through the early memories that created them. On a physical/neurological level where our deeply ingrained ideas and programs stay with us subconsciously. EFT goes beyond talking and re-telling your stories. EFT is meant to release the past. Like an adventure book you read long ago that can now be given away, no longer needing to be read again. For those that are newer to EFT or don't yet fully understand how it is used, just remember that the more specific you get with it - as you work through memories - the more powerful it is. And for painful memories this is often best done with the guidance of a well trained coach or therapist. If you haven't listened to the perfectionism description - it's only about 6 minutes long, and will help you identify the ways that you might be a perfectionist. Recognizing it in yourself is the first step to freeing yourself. What is Perfectionsim? (Audio) Perfectionism is habit of being, that can feel like your whole identity, but it is a dragon worth conquering. It is a chronic state of "not good enough." Freeing yourself from this pattern may be the healthiest and most life-changing thing you will ever do. The way to undo perfectionism is an inner journey. It's about finding your inner Self and breaking the addiction to outer rewards and validation. Remember the 5 Keys to Transforming Consciousness: 1. Make space. Be still. 2. Breathe mindfully. 3. GIve up all efforts to be perfect. 4. Decide Now that you have the power and the choice to let go of anything at any time. It takes an instant to let go. Letting go is a constant practice. Do it repeatedly. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You have the power to free yourself from anything that holds you back. 5. Recognize that your beliefs are the architect of your reality. If you want to change your reality, you have to be willing to question and release the old beliefs that limit you and keep you stuck. Perfectionism is paralyzing.
We live in a fast world, where being “productive” is the measuring stick for a good and worthwhile life.... yet we all secretly wish for more time, more freedom, and more joy. We all want more space, more time for relationships, more energy, and more time to live and enjoy life. The urgency and the pressure to make more and do more... to keep up with the demands of kids, chores, bills, aging parents... creates overwhelm, stress and burnout. This depletion can lead to depression and nervous disorders, anxiety, chronic pain and a host of other ailments. All signs of a life out of balance. What can we do about it? Most important: Recognize what you are doing. And be aware that your life is built upon a belief, and a story that you have adopted as “reality.” You forgot that you have freedom. You forgot that you have options. You do not realize that your outer reality is a reflection of your inner truth, your inner sense of self-worth, your belief in what is possible, or allowable, or deserved. Change your mind, to change your world. Don't try to change the world to change your self! Re-arranging the furniture of your house will not create a brand new house. In a few days or weeks you will feel the same about your house again... Just like life... Most of us would benefit immensely if we could slow down, step off the hamster wheel, and take some time every day to focus inward. Better yet – put your bare feet on the earth. Breath. Meditate. Journal. Exercise. Do some EFT with yourself... If you're the kind of person that can never truly relax (without T.V., alcohol or drugs or food), and never really feels “good enough” no matter how hard you try, then chances are you fit the profile of a perfectionist. Perfectionism is not the same as self-mastery or being impeccable. Perfectionism is a never ending quest to make yourself good enough, acceptable enough, or successful enough to get the respect or love or recognition you secretly yearn for. It's based on a core belief that you are not completely acceptable, lovable and good enough just as you are right now in this moment. That you have to DO something, constantly, to demonstrate your value. This produces enormous stress and anxiety and will never lead you to happiness. To learn more about perfectionism, listen to my six minute audio and see if it applies to you: What is Perfectionsim? (Audio) Perfectionism is habit of being, that can feel like your whole identity, but it is a dragon worth conquering. Freeing yourself from this pattern may be the healthiest and most life-changing thing you will ever do. The way to undo perfectionism is an inner journey. It's about finding your inner Self and breaking the addiction to outer rewards and validation. Freeing yourself from this perfectionist mindset will also transform your relationships. You will be less frustrated and less disappointed in the people you are close to. You will experience more pleasure, more peace and more contentment. And you will become more creative and internally motivated. One of the best ways to start working on this is to keep a journal. Every day write down at least five positive qualities of yourself that are true in this moment. If you have a hard time coming up with five, then write down what you would like to feel about yourself, as if it was so right now. Next, begin to write about the role models, parental models, siblings and other relationships you grew up with that may have either caused you to feel compelled to prove yourself, or hide your faults. Everything from comparing yourself and your performance to someone else, or avoiding shame or punishment or neglect by doing more and being "good." Look at the behaviors that got you the most love, attention, praise or status. You may also see other reasons that you took on the path of unrelenting pursuit of something - wealth, success, skill, notoriety, respectability - in order to escape the pain of something that you couldn't bear to live with. Perfectionist patterns can develop for many different reasons, but the result is always stress and an inability to truly relax and feel okay and at home within yourself. EFT Tapping is the perfect method of exploring, releasing and resolving any childhood memories that are at the root of this pattern. Clarifying Your Operating System
 The Fastest Way to Get What you Want..... Is to let go of it. It's also the most difficult thing to do - to let go of wanting – but it's also the quickest and most effortless way. Paradoxical. Yes, and that's why this point can be so hard to grasp. Chasing what we want, or even simply yearning for it, often pushes it further away. Desperation is like a time-bomb threatening to destroy the very thing we seek. It is the opposite of confidence, faith, trust or flow. If you focus on something you want, you build up energy and focus and you begin to draw that thing into your energetic field. But the reason you don't already have that thing is because you're not yet fully in alignment with it. Being "out of alignment" is always due to a subconscious fear or blocking belief. You can be “out of alignment” simply because some part of you is afraid to change or feels unworthy, or does not fully believe that you can attain that. Or deep down you may feel guilty, or fear that once attained, there will be some negative consequence, it will come with a cost, or even some punishment. Or there can be fear that if you attain something great, it will then get taken away and you will suffer deep loss and disappointment. These are all common subconscious blocks. And they are all rooted in our early life memories and traumas. When you go through something painful, your brain becomes programmed to avoid anything that may cause you to experience that pain ever again. So if finding a great relationship, or finding success in your business, or trying to relax and have more fun, or trying to start a healthier lifestyle keeps eluding you – look to your subconscious fears and core beliefs to find out why. There is no other reason for our struggles. We can spend many years, many tears and lots of money trying to “fix” our problems out there, manipulating our situations, trying new diets, spending hours and hours of our life on dating sites, looking and waiting.... But the only thing that really needs fixing is your own subconscious mind. And typical therapy, talking, goal-setting, and "positive thinking" will only take you so far. Neural pathways – the Rivers of our habitual thoughts. Imagine your thoughts are like water. Scattered thoughts are like scattered showers. But a repeated thought is like a stream. A thought repeated over time creates a river, and as more of those repetitive thoughts flow into that river, it expands and widens, gaining force and momentum. The current becomes strong, and if you step in it, you get carried away, no matter how you fight against it. Thoughts are like this. If you want to change that river's course you are not going to be able to do it. There is only one way to change the course of a river, and that is to stop feeding it. You feed it with your thoughts. When new thoughts stop flowing, the river begins to recede, quickly shrinking in size, and eventually it runs dry and is gone. Left to their own habitual tendencies, most people find it nearly impossible to get out of their negative thought patterns. EFT is one of the best ways to create new neural pathways – new rivers of positive thought. EFT is more than positive affirmations. It is a rapid method of extinguishing the repetitive negative thoughts that are so automatic and so destructive to us. (And the deep work is about tapping through specific foundational memories). When negative thoughts and beliefs are neutralized this way, it no longer takes much effort at all to alter our negative thinking. The negative thoughts just stop sticking to us - or may no longer even show up at all. Once we have positive thought patterns flowing with force – then that becomes the default setting – and this becomes natural and automatic. The new "normal." We are wired for survival. Healing our past hurts is a vitally important way to stay well and keep ourselves in a state of flow. When the positive river flows, our energy flows, people around us feel it and are uplifted by it, and our success becomes effortless and instantaneous. There are effective ways to begin working on this right now. You can begin this self-healing journey and begin to release your past right now. Self-help Exercise - Mapping Core Beliefs: Draw 3 large circles near the top of a piece of paper. In each one, identify one "table top" issue. Meaning, a general, repetitive, negative pattern or negative belief or emotion that shows up repeatedly in your life. For example, "People I'm close to betray me." Then under this table, draw lines, like table legs, and on each one, write down any specific memory - particularly in your first 20 years of life - that seems related to this issue. Perhaps an event or experience where you were betrayed, or felt betrayed by someone close to you. List as many as you can remember. Sometimes just breaking down our beliefs in this way can start to bring clarity and relief. It can be empowering to see where our patterns come from. Then, if you are experienced with EFT Tapping or another trauma release technique, you can begin to tap through some of these. If you are new to this, I strongly recommend that you do not tap about the most intense, emotional or deeply traumatic memories without some good support or professional guidance. Better to start with mildly unpleasant memories. And if it creates any overwhelm, seek the assistance of a well trained EFT practitioner. Remember, that your core beliefs - both positive and negative beliefs - are simply based on memories and the emotions, thoughts and self-talk that you associate with those memories. When we release enough of these significant memories, we also release the self-limiting beliefs that are rooted there. And change happens quickly and far more gracefully. When your beliefs truly change, your whole life experience changes. Note: This article and the suggestions written here, do not constitute medical or professional advice and do not establish a professional relationship. These are self-help suggestions and when in doubt, it is advised that you seek direct professional support. This site and the information presented does not claim to treat, cure, or diagnose any illness or health condition. If you have thoughts of self-harm or safety concerns, please seek the support of a professional health practitioner. |
Author, Ben Schwarcz
Transformational Coach, Psychotherapist, EFT Tapping Practitioner, Teacher and Author. Archives
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© 2024 Benjamin Schwarcz, MA, ACAP-EFT Tapping Coach | 509 7th Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95401 | 707.326.5566 | info@tapping-coach.com