The MOST important Question - Part 2
Last year I wrote a newsletter about "The Most Important Question." A lot of people expressed strong feelings about that, some of them feeling moved to make a change, others feeling some pressure to figure things out, but in any case, it stirred up some feelings.
So I felt it would be good to write more on this very important subject.
Most people find that once they ask themselves this question, they suddenly have more questions, or they feel huge resistance - like a big mental block - preventing them from answering it.
This question, that holds so much power to change your life, yet can seem so difficult to answer and can create so much inner confusion is this:
"WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?"
It's an easy question. But we find a million reasons why we can't, or wont answer it honestly or completely....
What does your mind do when you ask yourself, "What do I really want?"
If you're like Most people, you are probably afraid to answer this question. Your fear might show up as confusion, indecision, or anxiety. There may be a belief that answering this question will require you to give up something, or make a big sacrifice, or disappoint someone. It can be very elusive. Your mind might go blank when you try to answer this question. But once you know what you REALLY want, and when you are crystal clear about it, all hesitation, doubt, guilt, and confusion disappears and is replaced by a feeling of motivation and energy.
So ask yourself,
"What do I truly want?"
And just observe what comes up. What is likely to reveal itself is your fear. You see, we are not used to asking ourselves what we want and then being uncompromisingly committed to an answer.
When we ask ourselves what we want, we tend to think of all the things we DON'T want.
Or we have a feeling of what we want, but feel like we don't deserve to have that.
Or we think it's unrealistic or grandiose to ask for what we really want.
Or we uncover a core belief that we will always be disappointed and it's too painful to think big.
Or we think of the people who would not understand or might even try to talk us out of what we want.
Or we might feel it's actually dangerous to reach for what you want. Maybe the cost is too great.
Or your fears might come up so fast that your mind wont even formulate a thought or vision of what you want - it will just shut down before it's out of the gate.
What do all of these internal conflicts have in common?
They are all based on fear.
And they are all beliefs. Your beliefs.
One of the most important lessons that I have been learning and continue to learn, and to teach is this:
Your entire life experience is based upon your beliefs.
The people in your life, and the ways that they appear...
The circumstances you find yourself in....
The "good luck" and the "bad luck" that shows up in your life....
The quality of your relationships...
The feelings you have about your life and the meaning you give to it...
It is all based on your beliefs. Your concept of yourself. Your concept of your world.
So if you can accept that... if your intuition is saying "yes, I know that is true" - then the next
question is "now what am I supposed to do about it?"
You've put a lot of time and effort into working on your issues, soul searching, self-examining and sorting out your feelings. But those core beliefs are deep. They're stubborn. That's why they've been there most of your life and they endure.
Really changing your core beliefs is an important process that requires time, attention and commitment.
For now, I am simply going to name two very important ways to keep moving towards positive transformation.
1. Always be releasing.
2. Do and think about the things that feel good to you - as much as possible.
Releasing what? Releasing negative emotions, negative thoughts, and negative expectations. You can do this with EFT Tapping, with Meditation, with the Sedona Method or simply by choosing to let go of any negative feeling or thought whenever they appear.
Do what feels good?
I don't mean just doing what doesn't feel bad...
(Like staying in bed because it feels better than going to work)
I mean - what feels really good to you? What makes you feel healthy? What opens your heart? What kind of thoughts feel good? (This also obviously doesn't mean do unhealthy, reckless or addictive things that give you a quick high and then leave you feeling miserable afterwards).
If you are sitting around worrying, agitating, arguing with yourself or others in your mind - you know this is only creating more of that low energy reality.
If you allow yourself to dream, to be inspired, to go to the places you want to go and spend time with the people you want to spend time with - then that's good - and it will lead to more goodness. Hope, beauty, kindness, creativity, nature... these things raise your vibration. No matter what your situation, no matter how down and out you might seem to be, there is always another choice you can make to let yourself feel a little bit better.
And finally, one last tip that can be one of the most powerful tools for transformation:
Write it down.
Write down what you want, as if you have it already.
Write down your goals - phrased as if they have already come to pass.
Keep it simple, and just write it down. It should feel good to write down what you want in this way.
It should make you smile a little bit. It will help your imagination to wake up, and will allow you to actually start to feel the feeling of having what you want.
You can start today. Just write it down. Even little things that you want - like situations that you are worried about... write down the positive outcome that you want and the feelings you want to feel. A daily practice of this is extremely powerful. Don't show your writing to anyone, except perhaps your most trusted and supportive friend.
And if you are ready to get help to go deeper and truly change your core beliefs...
Transformational Coaching is a way to embark on the quest to answer this most important question, release the unconscious fears that block your clarity, and step onto the path of personal freedom, purpose and power.
If you've never tried EFT with me - or if you're ready for a few more rounds - there's no time like the Present.
Schedule an appointment today!
Author, Ben Schwarcz
Transformational Coach, Psychotherapist, EFT Tapping Practitioner, Teacher and Author.